The Myth of Having It All

The grind we glorify, the expectations we inherit, and the relief of finally rewriting the rules.

The Founder Flow is a newsletter where I share my personal take on entrepreneurship, wellness, and modern womanhood. As the founder of Dreamday and The Quality Edit / Quality Media, I reflect on what it means to build with purpose and live with intention.

Tornada by Guim Tió Zarraluki

Some of my thoughts take years to form. Others arrive all at once - like a knowing that was always there. I just hadn’t slowed down enough to hear them.

This one particular thought started as a whisper - and I’ve noticed the way it revisits me in different books I read, tougher moments I’m faced with, other founders sharing their stories.

Now it won’t leave me alone: Maybe we were never meant to have it all.
Or if we could, maybe we wouldn't actually want it.

Having it all can be exhausting.

As my therapist has said before, “It’s impossible to perfectly balance too many things. Sometimes, you simply have to do less.”

Element by Margaret R. Thompson

AMBITION & ENOUGHNESS

For a long time, I felt most alive when my life was extremely full - 24/7 balancing wellness, friendships, career, family, my relationship, my ambitions, and business. Even in college, when I modeled on the side, I’d change into my casting clothes while driving on the freeway and eating an apple. I remember thinking to myself “Go me, I really can do it all!” Between my calendar, inbox, and camera roll, full has always meant worthy. Busy = good. Full meant I was “doing something right.”

There was a period–maybe a year, maybe longer - when I was building one business while scaling another. But on top of that, behind the scenes, I was nursing a baby, leading a fast-growing team, ordering groceries at red lights while driving, and answering Slacks with one hand while cleaning up spilled milk. I wish I was exaggerating.

I’d hear (and still hear!) compliments like “I don’t know how you do it all,” and instead of pride, I’d feel... tired. Because the truth is, I don’t. No one really does.

Something was always being dropped. But I’d gotten good at making the drops quiet, and most of the time, I was an incredible multitasker, circus juggler, and what got dropped was really my inner peace.

I realized more recently that we’re (I’m) always rushing to get through emails, to-do lists, and sometimes getting through it all seems out of reach. I saw something the other day that said “what you want, isn’t a destination - it’s a feeling: of peace, ease, and joy.”

THE TRADEOFFS WE’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO MENTION

Rebecca Minkoff said, at last year’s Inc. 5000 conference, something that stuck with me - that the idea of “having it all” is a myth that was marketed to women without a disclaimer. No one told us what it would actually cost.

Kat Schneider, who founded Ritual and shaped so much of how I think about culture, career, and “balancing it all,” once said something plainly that always stuck with me (and this was pre-kids when I didn’t fully understand what it’d mean for me):

"Something is always going to be dropped. Your personal life, your work, your family–there’s always a tradeoff. And that’s ok."

And when she said that, it didn’t sound like defeat. It sounded like freedom.

Aishwarya Iyer, Founder of Brightland just shared on Maggie Sellers’ Hot Smart Rich podcast, how on top of the normal stressors that come with building a business, female founders in particular have a pressure to also be founder-forward, visible, always-on, and the “brand” of their company, whatever that may look like.

As I write this feeling that very pressure myself, she’s right in that culture has become a bit transfixed with the idea of a ‘female founder.’ Not just what she builds, but how she looks doing it. What she wears, says, believes. The vibe. The “story.” The aesthetic. It's a second job, and most of us are doing it on top of the first one.

What happens when visibility starts to eclipse the work?

Capitan, Radiant Heat by Jessica Cannon

LEADERSHIP, MOTHERHOOD & THE MESSY MIDDLE

Being a founder and a mom is the greatest privilege of my life. Most days, I wake up extremely excited and grateful to be doing what I’m doing. I’m not sure I even believe in God with a capital “G”, but before my feet hit the floor I often think, “Thank you, God” as my first thought of the day. But juggling many of these things at once also takes a lot of deep reflection, inner work, relentlessness, and (dare I say) smart strategy. It’s a constant journey.

Most days I feel clear and capable - like I can actually do this, and 6 years later, I’ve gotten to a point where I have absolutely best in class phenomenal team members to rely on, that I trust fully, and that help me realize I don’t have to carry it all.

But still…at the end of the day, I have signed up for a lot, and every now and then I’ll have a late night thought:

Did I miss too much? Was I present enough? Is everyone okay? (and when I say “everyone,” I mean my husband, my kids, my TQE co-founders, my Dreamday and Quality Media team members, my parents, my friends, etc.).

At this point in my life, I’ve decided to stop chasing balance. Because truth is, it’ll always outrun me. Now instead, I try to practice permission...

• Permission to be great at work and need help at home (thank you to my full-time nanny who makes me daily meals and loves my kids like they’re her own, my supportive hands-on husband, and my very active mom/grandma).

• Permission to miss a school thing because I’m with my personal trainer or can’t move a client meeting–and still be a “good mom.”

• Permission to let go of the myth of being “effortless.” Damn, it’s taken a lot of hard work to get here.

And the “smart strategy” I mentioned above?

• Really delegating. Something I’m still working on. My EA created a graph today of how I’m spending most of my time, and I realized I’m still too involved in internal meetings, for example.

• Adding more strategic thinking blocks. And more non-scheduled moments. Henry Ford spent an hour every day just staring at a wall. I recently learned when I told someone that, that there’s actually a popular form of meditation called Wall Gazing Meditation. That sounds good.

Supralateral Arcs by Angela Lane.

None of this is effortless. But it can still be meaningful.

WHAT I WANT NOW

I don’t want it all anymore.
I want something quieter. More honest.
Fewer perfect pictures, more real memories (s/o to my co-founder Lee who said her mom told her to focus on how your life actually feels vs how it looks).

Businesses I believe in.
A home that feels like home.
A life where there’s space to rest, mess up, repair, and try again.

Maybe having it all was never the goal.
Maybe feeling like enough is–and making peace with the messiness.

I don’t have the answer here. Just this small noticing:

Would you still want everything if it meant never feeling truly present in anything?

I think I’m done trying to be all things at once. Some things matter more. Some can wait.

And some–I’m learning–I never wanted at all.

Still in the middle of it, learning and unlearning all the time.

xx
Lauren

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credit: The Founder Flow by Lauren Kleinman

SOMETHINGS OF THE WEEK

Welcome to my ‘somethings,’ a space to share what’s been inspiring, intriguing, or just downright fun lately. Think of it as a curated highlight reel of what I’ve been reading, listening to, wearing, cooking, and loving.

Something Foodie: 🍫
Alice Mushroom Chocolates – these adaptogenic bites are my favorite way to wind down at night, plus I get to satisfy my sweet tooth in the most functional way possible. I read that each bite is packed with adaptogens like reishi and lion’s mane, which can help calm the nervous system and support mental clarity… perfect for those evenings when my brain can’t fully shut off. My Oura Ring loves it too (iykyk).

Also, there’s something deeply joyful about a perfect charcuterie board. Emmy Rener gets it. A recent USC grad, Emmy founded Sophisticated Spreads from her dorm room - and now her boards have made it into the homes of Sofia Vergara, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and half of LA. Think: California cheeses, seasonal touches, and a sense of occasion in every bite. If you're in LA or OC, consider this your sign to upgrade your next gathering.

Something Healthy: 💆‍♀️

Heartmap App – this right here is my new favorite for guided meditations and learning about “heart coherence,” which has quickly become a calming ritual in the mornings. I love how it blends science and mindfulness in a way that actually makes sense. As someone who likes to know the “why” behind everything, I enjoy the app’s approach. I’ve been especially using it as a grounding tool during super hectic mornings when emails are already rolling in and I haven’t even had matcha yet.

I also recently tested my ~microplastics~ and speed of aging for each organ through Bryan Johnson’s company Blueprint. They had incredible customer service and answered every question.

As far as my results go (for those who are interested), I had none of the larger microplastics in my blood sample, but did have some of the pesky smaller and more concerning ones. For $135, I think it’s so worth it to have a baseline. I’m planning to try a microplastics free salt next (lmk if you want the brand..) and be done with Invisalign soon, then will retest. Unfortunately, I think a good amount of my exposure could be from clothing / walking outside (lol) with the normal microplastic woes that come from polluted air in a big city. Main culprits are drinking water (I use an RO filter), food (I don’t eat anything in plastic), and plastic bottles (just no), so I’m pretty diligent there.

Something Newly (Purchased): 🛍️

Hunza G – With an empty suitcase and every intention to overpack for my upcoming Europe trip, I couldn’t help but scour the internet for the best bikinis to bring along. And one thing I kept noticing everywhere? Gingham. I stumbled on the Sabrina Bikini from Hunza G and, for me, it immediately stole the show. The classic red check and the chicly vintage vibe make it perfect for any beach or pool day.

Negative Underwear – Negative has the kind of quality I just don’t see in most brands today. My latest find of theirs is this Waffle Knit Pullover in Sand, which is the kind of piece that has made me wonder why I ever settled for less. It’s the perfect workout or lounge layer that hasn’t lost its magic four laundry cycles later. I really don’t know why I love it so much (it’s a beige waffle knit pullover after all), but I have to say the fabric just feels sooo good on, which is what matters most to me these days.

Hemant & Nandita – I’ve been a long time fan of the brand, but haven’t bought from them in a while. With a trip to Europe coming up, I snatched the Diza Midi Dress. I’ve paired the dress with a few things in my closet already, and have been surprised to find it’s one of those easy, no-fuss pieces. The print is fun but wearable, and though the fabric is structured, it’s somehow still lightweight?? I barely had to think twice about packing it in my suitcase - and when compared to other dress options I showed my husband, this was his five-star favorite.

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